Charismatic hermit gives tips on social skills

I've gotten too friendly over the last few years.

Don't mistake me, my quiet underground bunker in New Zealand is still my place of power.

But somewhere along the way, I picked up a way of being charismatic entirely by accident.

I don't even notice I do it. I'm sure not doing it on purpose.

I expect it has a lot to do with my complete lack of concern about what other people think about me.

When you stop caring, you stop acting to please.

When you stop acting to please, you stop coming off as a needy pest.

That in itself is a powerful source of attraction.

That, and acting with calm confidence. The way aristocrats used to carry themselves. Causal, calm, relaxed, poised, disinterested. Acting from a position of strength.

This comes from an inner directedness, the kind of purpose which can't exist if your "social radar" is always pinging people around you for validation.

You can't be interested in other people if you're always thinking of what you want from them.

When you go deep into the elemental forces of human needs, desires, and actions, you start to see patterns like this that you never pick up with surface-level interactions.

That deep knowledge might even change how you relate to other people.

(Starting with yourself.)

It isn't a coincidence that the wise thinkers of every tradition, no matter how old, no matter where in the world, all teach doctrines of self-mastery and restraint.

Today, we've flipped that inside out. It's trendy to let our passions and lusty desires rule our behaviors.

It's trendy to be superficial.

Let it be known that this licentious behavior -- which is a sloppiness of mind and spirit -- drains your essential life-essence.

That's right, I used the word "licentious" in an email. I write to people who aren't scared by my 10-dollar words when a 10 cent word would do the job.


If you doubt me on this, ask yourself who you admire.

Who you want to be like. Who is your aspiration?

Superficial gets attention... for minute. On social media.

Out in reality, attracting pity into your life may be the worst thing you can do for yourself.

Depth is where it's at.

Depth elevates.

Depth attracts real connections.

Depth is mastery.

I've realized that I simply don't want to be around people that don't value excellence and working toward elevating goals.

Much less those who worship sloppiness. Pure mental pollution.

My interest is in the machinery of power and influence -- and how that power can be used to help us thrive or destroy us.

You might have noticed that I used some of it on you in this very email.

Be good & take it easy.

Matt Perryman

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